Growing Up

Me and Cailie got into a discussion today, about growing up. The argument is as follows: children who are forced to make grown up decisions earlier will get in more trouble at an earlier age. She used the example of herself, asking for a doll when she was 10 years old, and her cousin asked for a digital camera. Cailie's aunt shook her finger at her mom and told her that her daughter needed to grow up. A few years later, the cousin was 20 and pregnant twice already.

This is kind of an exaggeration of what could happen. But who's to say? I have a friend, a very sweet girl, I met in the FA building. I wondered who she was constantly, and finally got to know her. I found out that she was taking lessons from Professor, being homeschooled, and was about 13. This blew me away. She acted with the maturity of a college student... I also began to notice that she didn't bring any friends around. Becuase she spent all of her time in this building, dedicating herself to this piano program, she didn't know any other life. All of her friends are college students. Now, I am not saying there is anything wrong with being homeschooled or dedicated to piano, or not having many friends. But she is a charming girl. She is funny, outgoing, and beautiful, and has so much potential. I just am sad to see her forced to grow up so quickly. She is taught to act at least 5 years older than she is... and with no background experience of school and other activities, how is she even to know how a regular 13 year old would act in certain situations? To watch her struggle through this world with no one her age to relate to, and no other social activities to participate in, is hard.

I also had a friend growing up who had a similiar issue. She was an only child, put into a world of adults and adult behaviors. Naturally, she was very mature for her age. She thought she had it all planned out: which college to go to, how to run her life, who to date, what she liked... yet on a whim, she could completely change her mind. When she started feeling her life was too structured, she began to plead and cry out for the child side of her. Then she would suddenly become reckless and childish to compensate for her fears of growing up. She is happy and contently married now, but I still wonder if she was forced to make these grown up decisions before she was ready.

I am not trying to say that anything these people do is inappropriate. I very much love all of these people... I just feel very strongly that people need to act their age sometimes. We dont need to walk about not being mature, but we can certainly give responsibility a break every once and a while. We can mingle with others our own age, and take part in experiences that help us grow. Growing up is a learning process, and if we don't get it line upon line, or fill in the gaps, we will be limited.

Play

Hello, and greetings from the FA building... the only place I can call home these days. I spend most of my days here. As I type this, a girl is sitting next to me on the couch, tuning her guitar. I can hear the pounding of piano keys all around me... it's the busiest time of the day for practicing. Every once and a while, people will walk by, laughing or talking about the idea of rotation, who's playing Greig's Concerto, what Professor said earlier that day about Horowitz...

This is my life.

This is my home. Music is the only thing that I feel passionate about these days. All the troubles and worries in my life fade away when I completely let go of myself for a few hours and just PLAY. Playing is my salvation, playing is my escape, making music is the only thing that makes sense. When my world is out of control, all I need is the Beethoven room. All I need is to feel the soft keys and vibration of the strings below me. All I need to is to play.

So you had a bad day...

Today has been super sucky. With a random attack of the stomach flu (or some related epidemic), a broken car, and my dad on my case for quickbook data, today comes in close to one of the worst days I've had in college. Though I've tried to be positive as best as I can, it's getting harder and harder every time. I'm tired of not having money. I'm tired of being hurt. I'm tired of responsibilities. I want Tommy to want me again. I want to be on the beach and with the sun. I want life to be simple. I want my room back. I want to stop pretending like all of this doesn't bug me when it just eats me inside...

I have been attempting to make some changes in my life, but it seems like every turn I keep making bad life choices that lead me deeper to where I never wanted to be. Where I don't want to end up. The only thing that makes sense right now is... well, nothing. And that scares me to death. And maybe I'm just feeling this way because I'm sick? Because I am depressed? This could be very true. Haha. I have lots that I put off, so back to work I go. Please be ok, little car!

Hello and welcome!

Though i get great pleasure in having my other blog, sometimes I feel the need to write, other things, more personal and just random. So if you're here, welcome to my brain's personal thoughts. Sometimes it might be rambling... in fact, all of it will be rambling. I do have a journal in my dorm, it is tucked away in my drawer, the last entry being in the middle of the summer. I am not one to sit down and write for hours about my experiences in a journal... I can barely write Tony once a week, or twice a week if that.

So, here is an ode to the internet, to blogger, to simplicity, to life! And peace, I'm off to St. George.